June 13, 2015 by Joey Keogh
It’s just been just two weeks since the last PPV and, considering Elimination Chamber was mostly a nice surprise (Ryback winning the IC title notwithstanding), there’s a dread-inducing feeling that this will be the RAW PPV because the last one wasn’t. Okay, I might be wrong (like that time I claimed Bray Wyatt wasn’t a hat person) but the card is a bit messy, and there isn’t exactly a whole lot at stake going into this PPV, either. Especially since the next one is probably going to be about five minutes from now. Oh it’s already happened? Oh good, then I won’t have to predict things:
R-Truth vs. King Barrett
Where the hell did this match even come from? Have these two interacted on RAW lately? Presumably this is a pre-show bout, because, well, how could it not be? It’s sad to see Barrett relegated to the kick-off, but at least he’s pretty much guaranteed a win here. Truth livened up an otherwise deadly dull promo on RAW this past week by showing up to stake a claim for the MITB contract only to discover he wasn’t included in the match in the first place. He’s a decent wrestler and he and Barrett should, at the very least, bounce well off each other. But don’t expect this to be anything to write home about.
Predicted winner: King Barrett
Money in the Bank ladder match for a WWE World Heavyweight Championship match contract: Dolph Ziggler vs. Neville vs. Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus vs. Kane
All signs point to Reigns emerging victorious here, much like he did at the now-infamous Royal Rumble, but things might not be as clear cut as they first appear. Or, at least, I’m really hoping they’re not because Reigns puts me to sleep. This is the best thing to do with Roman Reigns. Otherwise, he should go away now. Imagine, if you will, someone like Neville coming out on top, or even Kofi, who, along with his brilliant team-mates in The New Day, has been talking a pretty good game lately. If someone besides Reigns wins, it will utterly change the whole dynamic of the main roster. But if he nabs the briefcase, it’s going to be the same ol’ shit we’ve got so used to lately. I’m not saying for a second that anyone besides Reigns has a shot at winning, but it would be nice to think that someone does. Anyone. Please. Okay, not Kane, but anyone else.
Predicted winner: Roman Reigns
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Ryback (c) vs. Big Show
This match has “piss break” written all over it. Seriously, if anyone actually wants to see Ryback take on fucking Big Show then I no longer have any hope for humanity. This is such weird booking because, even though they had that little tussle where Show was like “Oh The Big Guy ain’t no match for The Big Show” it still makes zero sense to have these two feuding, particularly as Ryback should be defending the IC title against somebody to whom it actually means something, like Ziggler (who’s been flailing lately), or hell even Sheamo would make more sense than this. It could be that the rumours about Ryback injuring everyone he comes into contact with are actually true and Show is the only one in a position to face him, but even so this isn’t worth caring about and it actually makes me mad to see it taking up space on a card on which Wade Barrett has been relegated to the goddamn pre-show.
Predicted winner: Who cares (but probably Ryback)
WWE Divas Championship Match: Nikki Bella (c) vs. Paige
Paige must be off to film Tough Enough shortly, so chances are Nikki will probably retain here but these two have great chemistry in the ring and, even when they only get five minutes to fight, it’s still more fun than a million other Divas matches. And, at the very least, this match will outdo that stupid triple threat rubbish at the last PPV. Provided the chicas get enough time to show off what they can do, this could be one of the highlights of the night. The only worry is that the “twin magic” angle might be utilised once more and, let’s face it, when one twin looks like a blow up doll and the other a fucking rake, it’s a bit insulting to pretend that anybody would fall for that, let alone a trained referee. Paige will definitely hold the title again but I don’t think this will be her night. We’re in for a screwy finish here either way, but hopefully we can have some fun beforehand.
Predicted winner: Nikki Bella to retain
Tag team match for the WWE Tag Team Championship: The New Day (Big E and Xavier Woods) (c) vs. The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O’Neil)
How inspiring to see an all-black tag team championship match at a major PPV. How sad that that’s considered progressive. Considering the WWE‘s long-standing unwillingness to push anyone who isn’t either white as a ghost or artificially tanned to within an inch of his/her life, it’s encouraging to see this match on the card for Money In The Bank. The only worry is that these guys might not be given enough time, that theirs will be the filler bout of the night. Hopefully that’s not the case because all five of them are terrific and the madness outside the ring is going to be just as much fun as what’s going on inside. Hopefully this isn’t just for show and we get a genuine fight, because the tag division could really use a shot in the arm.
Predicted winners: The New Day to retain
John Cena vs. Kevin Owens
As much as it pleases me to see the incomparable Kevin Owens getting another opportunity to (hopefully) kick the living shit out of John Cena, the fact that this isn’t a title match, yet again, is kind of infuriating. On the one hand, it might signal that Owens is in for another win. On the other, if Cena can lose clean then why the hell can’t he lose the damn belt clean too? It’s not like he’s the WWE champ, it’s only the goddamn US title, it’s basically just an excuse to be really racist week in, week out. It doesn’t actually hold any prestige, for Christ’s sake. Owens winning at Elimination Chamber was a dream come true for everyone but his own son, so it may be too much to ask to see him go over on Cena again. But we can dream. And if he doesn’t win, well, let’s hope he at least knocks the Superman out for a couple weeks so we can get a break from all the ‘Murica, “come get some” bullshit. Regardless of the outcome, this is probably going to be the match of the night. Again.
Predicted winner: Kevin Owens
Ladder match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Seth Rollins (c) vs. Dean Ambrose
It thrills me no end to see these two lads headlining the show yet again. This is their third time doing so and, judging by past performances, it certainly won’t be their last. For months on end I was wondering what the hell happened to the Ambrose/Rollins feud because it seemed like such an obvious story-line, it almost wrote itself, but thankfully when it finally re-emerged, it did not disappoint. Much has been made about Rollins supposedly turning his back on The Authority and, all things considered, it probably is a tease but it doesn’t really matter either way because he and Ambrose are guaranteed to put on a hell of a show tomorrow night. Personally, I don’t think it really matters who wins here because their feud is going to rumble on regardless, and there’s still a lot of life left in it, but seeing Ambrose hoist that belt up – for real this time – would be truly awe-inspiring. Think of the gifs! I doubt he’s going to emerge as the champion, because I’ve watched too much of this shit to ever believe in anything ever again, but, much like Kevin Owens, we can only hope.
Predicted winner: Seth Rollins to retain (with interference)
Catch Money In The Bank LIVE on the WWE Network Sunday, 14th June at 8 ET / PT