June 17, 2016 by Joey Keogh
How lame does Roman Reigns look holding that damn suitcase? It’s like he’s uncomfortable with it in his hand, as though he knows he doesn’t deserve to be holding it even for a photo. I’m also really sick of seeing people advertised for matches they’re not a part of. It irks me so. But, then again, much of this year’s card for Money In The Bank kind of irks me so. I mean, Baron Corbin? Really? We’re still pushing for him? Hopefully he’ll be pre-show so we can all collectively stuff our faces with pizza and tune out the non-existent screams from fans who are finding their seats half-heartedly at that point. On with the predictions:
Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin
No. Seriously, nope. Next! as they said in that one MTV dating show that was sadly short-lived. I’d rather watch a million hours of that on repeat than five minutes of this.
Predicted winner: insert joke about an eighties hair metal band here
Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus
There was some funny build-up for this one on RAW this week that led me to believe there might be something interesting here. I’m not the biggest fan of Crews, I actually find him a bit dull, but I know he did some decent work in NXT and he and Sheamo seem well-matched, weight-wise, if nothing else so provided this is a quick little bout, it might prove diverting enough to pass some time between a couple of better matches. Or open the show, setting us up for bigger things. Oh god, please don’t let the tag open the show. Send help!
Predicted winner: Sheamus
Women’s Tag Team Match: Charlotte and Dana Brooke vs. Natalya and Becky Lynch
No women’s championship match? Seems like a missed opportunity. Also, when did Nattie and Becky team up? I’ll never understand this desire to throw all the ladies together in one bout instead of giving them a couple story-lines and a couple of matches to go with them. It’s not like we’re pushed for time when Baron fucking Corbin has a match. Anyway, I adore Becky and Charlotte, Nattie is a legend and Dana is, er, fine, so I’m really excited to see what they do with this, even if it’s not really for anything. And hopefully Sasha is back in action very shortly because we need a proper women’s title race sooner rather than later – the momentum from the title changeover is only going to last so long.
Predicted winners: Natalya and Becky Lynch
Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Alberto Del Rio
Recently, it was suggested to me that Ambrose might be winning this, so he can go head to head with Reigns and Rollins at Summerslam. And now that that idea is in my head, I can’t stop thinking about it. As much as I love Zayn and Owens, and seeing one of them emerge victorious here so the other can be super pissed about it and continue fighting with him as a result of feeling that win is undeserved, would be awesome but Ambrose coming out on top so he can face off against his old Shield buddies is something I’ve been dreaming about since Rollins made his triumphant return. They teased it a little during the Ambrose Asylum bit on RAW this week, too, so it could seriously be on the cards. Otherwise, it’ll be Zayn or Owens hands down. And that’ll be pretty brilliant too. On another note, Sami looks like he’s posing for an entirely different kind of photo below. Everyone else is like “grrrr” and he’s like “yay!”.
Predicted winner: Dean Ambrose
AJ Styles vs. John Cena
Cena has been super-annoying since his return, utilising his irritating wannabe gangster persona and throwing around the word ‘homes’ like he’s time-travelled in from the fucking eighties. He did rescue some buddies of his a couple weeks ago, which is an interesting change of pace for him, but otherwise it’s been the same ol’, same ol’ and as much as Styles has tried his best to make this encounter seem exciting, it won’t be unless the other members of The Club get involved. So here’s hoping they do. Unless they’re too tired/can’t find their ceremonial robes in time.
Predicted winner: John Cena
Fatal Fourway Tag Team Championship Match: The New Day (Big E and Kofi Kingston) (c) vs. Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. The Vaudevillains
Weirdly, this is my most-anticipated match of the night. Think about it; it has the best build-up, all of the participants are at the top of their game and, although it’s pretty obvious The New Day are going to win so they can beat the record held by those other dudes the WWE aren’t too fond of, this match should still be fairly unpredictable and will definitely be good fun. If it’s not the standout of the night, then we’re in for a seriously great show.
Predicted winners: The New Day
United States Championship Match: Rusev (c) vs. Titus O’Neil
I’d completely forgotten this match was even on the card until now, so won’t pretend I’m super stoked for it or anything. Both of these guys are pretty great, and it’d be good to see some attention drawn to the US title, but the fact this haven’t even been a major talking point on RAW doesn’t fill me with confidence for what’s to come on Sunday. It could still be genius, but who knows.
Predicted winner: Rusev
World Heavyweight Championship Match: Roman Reigns (c) vs. Seth Rollins
This is a weird one, because on the one hand, I know Rollins is never winning, but on the other, I really, really want to believe that he could – if not at this PPV, then soon. At the very least, seeing him destroy Reigns would be enough to sate me. For now. Is this one Main Event worthy? Not really. Is the outcome obvious? Absolutely. Will Ambrose interfere? Here’s hoping. We’ve seen Reigns do his stupid ‘I’m the GUY’ thing about a million times over at this stage, so once more won’t kill us, but it isn’t going to have us screaming in our seats either. Hopefully this is the beginning of the end and a great showcase for Rollins and that’s it.
Predicted winner: Roman Reigns
Catch Money In The Bank LIVE on the WWE Network
on Sunday, 19th June 2016 @ 8E/5P